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 My prayer life I know isn't what it should be or could be. I need to be more verbal in my prayers, and have written them for a long time. Being that is what keeps me on track in my mind. But it can seems like a lot of 'repetition' which is not what I want to do. But to keep me focused on the subject matter at hand. I also do a lot of silent prayer for others as I am reminded to do so at the time. We are members of a small church that usually has prayer time on a Sunday night and they meet in small groups after the initial large group sharing is done and the pastor divides us into smaller groups afterwards. Then we take some time out to share there, and then pray. It is a good system, but can sometimes seem like we could be doing so much more. I use to be a part of the Mom's in Touch group when my kids were in school, but am trying to get back in the military mom's in touch as my son is in the Army. It hasn't been attended to by myself as yet. He has been in several years already, and so I wonder if there are others who could help me there. He is married, and they are expecting our first grandchild in the spring. But he is overseas, and not here with us. His wife is with him overseas as well. So I do pray daily, and know that so much more is needed on my part. This is just to share what I am presently doing, and my present status. I am married, and long for my husband and I to be able to pray together , but it doesn't seem like that we will be able to do that, too much difference in style of prayer, i.e. he likes it short and sweet, and I tend to think of the world focus and need to share all of what's on my heart on each subject that comes to my mind. Needless to say it's not been a 'married' time of prayer during my marriage . Would so appreciate support there for me, and my husband, who is a Christian, but we have so much that is opposite in what we prefer and do. We are married for 29 years working on 30 now. So it is my lifelong commitment to stay with him and have both of us grow in prayer. We need it and he isn't focused on it as much as I would desire for us to be focused together. So getting back into the swing of prayer means adjustments that at this point I don't know how to accomplish. Which is why I am asking for help here. He is still working has early morning departure, and doesn't leave himself much time to pray let alone read the Bible before he dashes off to work . His return is more focused on himself with things a husband wants to do, and needs to get done. Prayer, and Bible study are not his focus at the time he returns. I need to strengthen my own resolve to be more involved in prayer both for the church here where I am and for those that I have had contact with in the past.

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Eleanor,
I can relate to some of what you say because my husband of 40 years and I do not pray in the same way at all. He usually prays before our meals and sometimes if there is a particular concern I will add a little something at the end. Before we head out the driveway for a long trip or to visit someone who is going through a particularly rough time he will often ask me to pray before we leave. I guess these are mostly what I call "bullet prayers" that are short and to the point.
These may be some ways you could get involved in praying with your husband, I guess under his terms, but it's a start. As he sees your prayers answered, who know what could happen.
Eleanor,

I was thinking about the difference in your prayer styles and how you said your husband likes prayer short and sweet. I would accommodate his style in order to have a moment in prayer rather than nothing. Also, if you gave him a note card with the words, "Pray with me" and then have one daily topic for him to focus on for the day do you think he would reject this request? Maybe some form of tangible reminder like that would help him to be at least for a few moments of the day praying along with you even if he is not in close physical proximity. I think you need to try different approaches until you find something that works and not get too disappointed with many trials that don't work but keep praying that God will show you what will make it work.
Eleanor,
My wife and I have very different prayer styles, too. I think it has a lot to do with the differences between men and women in a lot of respects. For instance, a man and woman come back from a certain special event and if you ask the man to describe what happened, he will give you a very concise, to the point (and maybe vague) account of what happened. The woman, on the other hand, will recount all the little details, her feelings while she was there, etc. Same way with when a man comes home from work and his wife asks him how his day was. His answer will be short, sweet, and to the point, while a woman will tend to be a whole lot more detailed about her day.
I, for one, am a "get straight to the point" kind of guy, too. This often (though not always) shows up in my verbal prayer life as well, especially, it seems, when praying with someone else like my wife.
My advice is to pray for your husband (which is a good idea anyway), but learn to understand that it might not be a difficiency he has, but rather it's just the way he's wired.
Now...having said all that, I do know that people in the Church in other countries like China, Korea, etc. pray a WHOLE lot more than we Americans do, mostly because they have a much greater sense of dependency upon God because of their circumstances, and they consequently are seeing much greater fruit with people coming to Christ in some cases by the millions. We Americans just don't have that sort of urgency and dependence because we have so much. This isn't necessarily a good thing. My heart longs for us to snap out of our complacency and rise above our prosperity and have the sense of urgency and dependence that God can use to really move mightily in this nation.
Lisa Lerner said:
Hi Eleanor,
I too can relate to the difference in the style of praying between my husband and I. He is very concise and patterned but I know his heart speaks more words than I can audibly hear. We know that God says He is a rewarder of those that diligently seek Him. I think that persisting in a prayer pattern you have on your heart is that diligence. There really isn't a particular pattern or formula so to speak that works the same for all, but when you have time alone, put some worship music on. Something that will stay in worship and not suddenly change into a great upbeat praise song! That gives you a little time to really get on your knees and tell Him how much you love Him just for who He is. Seek His face, and wait to hear Him draw closer, and He will. Your increased intimacy with Him will create all kinds of prayer opportunities. I hope this is some help to you. I will keep you in my prayers that The Holy Spirit will draw you closer and reveal spiritual truths and tenderness. Love you and your passion for prayer!
Thank you for your response. With a marriage of 29 years, it has been a long time of real lack of prayer. We use to pray together before we went to sleep , but that was only the first year of our marriage. When he realized it wasn't what he was expecting it to be. Sad to say the only time he does really pray is grace over the meal and that's when he is reminded to do so sometimes. He does pray, as I know I can feel it from him at times. But I do miss the times we use to have there. I know he is trying hard to work on other areas of his life and I am glad for that. He goes to bed now much later than I do usually, and so it's hard for me to stay up to be with him when he goes to bed. Though I have done it, I have found that trying to keep his sleeping hrs. at least at the night time isn't benificial for my health. So it is a hard road to follow. I do try to be good and help him, and I do pray for him. I am praying of course in church when we have our little group prayers only once a week and during the week we have a prayer list to pray for the members of our church. But we don't pray for them together. That is done at home by the individuals, who have them. It is not an easy thing but I have managed to live through it. I have not tried using praise music in my prayer time, I want to hear the voice of the LORD in my prayer time, though I know He can speak any time . Thanks for your prayers I need them. I also want to respond to the others who have left a response on this too. Thanks again. T.C.
Marsha, thanks for your response. We do have the 'grace' at the table time and that's it basically at home. Though we may have discussions from time to time on various subjects. It is not an easy road, but we did pray our first year together in marriage before we went to sleep, that's when we went to bed at the same time. Now it has been more I go to bed first, and am there for a good 2hrs. or so before he gets ready for it even, and he wakes up before I do. I have been trying to stay up a bit later, but that's only because I like the ice skating dance versions and it's hard to stay up for that even. But I do go to bed usually 2 hrs. before he does. My body is not as young as it use to be. But he has been working hard at losing weight and I am glad for that for his sake. I know he is trying hard there, and he is in a men's group at church which is something that he really needs to particpate in, before we moved to Fl, we had been involved with our church's children's preschool music program, it is a large church and they have many preschoolers and they have a wonderful program, and a very active mission group etc. So we have moved to a much smaller church where the choices are much fewer to work with. He needs the mens group for fellowship, and so I am trusting that God will use that to help him see the things that he needs to see and to do. I am in a womens group as well. We have our church's prayer time on Sunday nights, and they divide up into small groups to pray. I participate in that as often as possible. My husband comes too, but we are never in the same group to pray for others. He does ok, there, but again the LORD knows his heart and I am grateful for what he can do to participate when he is able . Sometimes though the church doesn't have the Sunday night prayer time due to other activities that have taken place earlier. It is a time of adjustment for us then. We spend far too much time in front of the tv watching too many shows, and not nearly enough time in conversation, which somehow is best only in the car to and from places, and not in our apt. . So the LORD knows all of this and I am glad that HE does. He has a great voice for singing in the choir, which is one reason I married him, but I had other priorities too. I hope this helps you to understand better where I am coming from. Thanks for your response,and I will hope to keep this conversation/discussion going with others too, I do appreciate what all have shared. T.C.

Marsha Mundy said:
Eleanor,
I can relate to some of what you say because my husband of 40 years and I do not pray in the same way at all. He usually prays before our meals and sometimes if there is a particular concern I will add a little something at the end. Before we head out the driveway for a long trip or to visit someone who is going through a particularly rough time he will often ask me to pray before we leave. I guess these are mostly what I call "bullet prayers" that are short and to the point.
These may be some ways you could get involved in praying with your husband, I guess under his terms, but it's a start. As he sees your prayers answered, who know what could happen.
Dear Rob, Thank you Brother in the LORD ! I am grateful for your input on this subject matter. As a married woman,it seems that yes we are focused on more subjects than what it may appear to the married man in my life, and much conversation is desired with my husband on this subject. As a brother in the Lord, I would appreciate your prayers for my husband in this matter, and have to trust that my husband will desire to bring up the subject as if I do it, he will feel that he is being 'nagged' about it, when that is not my intent at all. Hard to overcome not wanting to talk about it when it comes up to me in my needs with others. But to share such with my husband somehow doesn't come accross the same way. Why that is I don't know. I know that he does pray, but it's hard to find the time that he does take out for that. He loves his tv shows, and yet is trying to exercise to get rid of the excess pounds which are many. I appreciate that hard part he is doing. Though he is using the Wii to accomplish that. He needs prayer for consistancy, and the strength to say no to the 'foods, drinks ' that add on the unwanted pounds. He will do good for a few weeks, or so, and then feel like he can reward himself with the very foods that he needs to stay away from ! That's a path of destuction of previous victories. I know there are several other Christian brothers in our small church who also would benefit from such a path to follow as in losing many pounds, as in a couple hundered roughly speaking, but I don't know if they could work out something together i.e. group support to accomplish this. Two of them are single but one is dating someone. So guidance from the LORD would be appreciated there. I am ok in my own weight, but a little bit lost wouldn't hurt. As I said, thanks again for your response, and I do pray for the mission friends I have who serve the LORD in many places. I do my best to try to include them in my prayers daily along with a lot of other subjects.

Rob Ely said:
Eleanor,
My wife and I have very different prayer styles, too. I think it has a lot to do with the differences between men and women in a lot of respects. For instance, a man and woman come back from a certain special event and if you ask the man to describe what happened, he will give you a very concise, to the point (and maybe vague) account of what happened. The woman, on the other hand, will recount all the little details, her feelings while she was there, etc. Same way with when a man comes home from work and his wife asks him how his day was. His answer will be short, sweet, and to the point, while a woman will tend to be a whole lot more detailed about her day.
I, for one, am a "get straight to the point" kind of guy, too. This often (though not always) shows up in my verbal prayer life as well, especially, it seems, when praying with someone else like my wife.
My advice is to pray for your husband (which is a good idea anyway), but learn to understand that it might not be a difficiency he has, but rather it's just the way he's wired.
Now...having said all that, I do know that people in the Church in other countries like China, Korea, etc. pray a WHOLE lot more than we Americans do, mostly because they have a much greater sense of dependency upon God because of their circumstances, and they consequently are seeing much greater fruit with people coming to Christ in some cases by the millions. We Americans just don't have that sort of urgency and dependence because we have so much. This isn't necessarily a good thing. My heart longs for us to snap out of our complacency and rise above our prosperity and have the sense of urgency and dependence that God can use to really move mightily in this nation.
Janice, I would be happy to try to make use of your suggestion but he has trouble reading my handwriting, what I am hoping for and need to really pray about is this, and that is, that my husband would be willing to bring up the subject matter to me and ask that we pray about it as opposed to my asking on paper for prayer though I do like that idea. I do know that one thing he really wants me to do is to 'listen' to him when he asks me to do something for him, and it isn't always easy for me to do what he asks of me to do. I do try, but sometimes it seems that it isn't quite 'right' in some way, what that is I can't say, it's been too long to think back to what it was. So the thought that comes to my mind instead, is that I will be happy to do so, as long as it will honor the LORD, and for some reason it seems to him that is not what he wants to hear in response. So instead of it being what he wants to have me do, it has to be with what I hope the LORD will honor to have me do and be honorable to HIM for my husband's needs. I should be more specific than that, but I can't pinpoint it. That subject doesn't go very well over to my husband, and I am saddened to think of that . I have shared with another who responded that he is trying his best to lose weight by exercising and I am glad for that. He needs to stay consistent with it, and he knows that, and that is very hard for anyone to do that. When I lost my weight, I was sick for a long time, i.e. 6 weeks with shingles, and the diagnosis of diabetes, which is well undercontrol for now. I didn't know how 'few' carbs I should eat, and then I was down to very few that's what did it. He was doing his best to help me as was my daughter at the time. But it took all of that time to lose the weight of about 45 lbs. and I have kept most of it off, and am glad for that. But it means I have to avoid the sugars, or limit them greatly, and also avoid the caffiene products as well. That alone has helped alot to keep the weight down. He needs to try to do that too, but only is willing to do so with a few things, not all. Hope that helps you to understand what the status of need is there too. Thanks again for your response.

Janice Garey said:
Eleanor,

I was thinking about the difference in your prayer styles and how you said your husband likes prayer short and sweet. I would accommodate his style in order to have a moment in prayer rather than nothing. Also, if you gave him a note card with the words, "Pray with me" and then have one daily topic for him to focus on for the day do you think he would reject this request? Maybe some form of tangible reminder like that would help him to be at least for a few moments of the day praying along with you even if he is not in close physical proximity. I think you need to try different approaches until you find something that works and not get too disappointed with many trials that don't work but keep praying that God will show you what will make it work.
Sharon, Thank you for your suggestions, I should clue you in as to the status of our marriage I forgot to tell you that we are 29 years into our marriage, our kids are grown, and not with us anymore. He goes to work early and usually comes home about this time. His schedual is pretty much like this, getting up just in time to dress, eat and get out the door. What little time he might spend with the Lord is in the 'relief' room. I don't get up usually until after he has left for the day, and then I spend about 2 hrs. with the Lord after I am up and washed and dressed. I eat my breakfast after I have had that time with my Savior in reading the passages that are provided through our church for devotional study, and also the Bible study time too provided through our ladies study. Then I take time out to pray through writing down my prayer requests and listen in the quiet of the morning time for His response. I don't have the radio on till after I have finished my time with HIM as in the before breakfast. I do have it on with my breakfast and have intermittent times afterwards as I am led. I use to work outside of the home but don't do so currently. I do have others that I do pray with at church but that is once a week in a group that keeps changing, so I get to know more members of the church that way. I will need to be more active in my apt. with regard to finding others to pray with and for. I tend not to be a leader as such, yet long to be a leader, it's that first few actions of asking and organizing that I need to work on more. I do thank you for your response and hope that what I have shared will help you to understand better what my situation is at home.

Sharon Van Baale said:
I have several suggestions. One, you can only change you, so allow God to work in your husband. As he sees you do, maybe he will follow. Second, start up a women's prayer time with 2 or 3 friends. You can do this at whatever time is convenient for you all. It doesn't have to be very long, but in my experience, I would allow at least an hour. Have them over for morning coffee after the kids and hubby have left for work, if you don't work outside of the home. You could do it during one lunch hour each week. You will find that you will find more and more to pray for even if you agree to just stay inside the realm of your families as you get more and more comfortable with each other. Just don't allow it to turn into a "hen party." Third, begin your day with praise and worship, whether you are singing or just raising your hands and praising Him in whispers or shouting! God loves praise! Finally, learn to "hear God's voice." One exercise that I have encouraged women to do is to find a secluded spot, turn off the phone and television, relax. Then praise God, petition Him, thank Him then.....sit back and wait on Him to talk to you in that "still, small voice." It may take you several tries to figure out how He is speaking to you, but He will speak to you. Our biggest problem in hearing from God is learning to shut up and listen! Hope this helps!!

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